Ever since I can remember I have battled my own demons. My life was hell from the start, my childhood stolen from me. My iinocense gone. I tried taking my life twice. I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals. I hated seeing a therapist. I kept it all to myself until I blew up.
I suffer from depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have been on all kinds of depression medications. I stopped all of that when I found out I was pregnant with my son. Then life kind of fell apart a year ago, so I have gotten my hands on some therapy books.
They came in the mail today and my stepmother asked me why I would want them. I told her because if I can get away with being medicated, I would try anything. She then asked if it had anything to do with my ex leaving. I explained my situation was this way even before he left me. I told her my issues. Her response? “Shake it off.”
For some reason, this rubbed me the wrong way and ruined my entire day. I have sat here replaying it over and over in my head all day, feeling dumb for even getting the books or for ever explaining my life to her. This is exactly why I don’t.
This is exactly why people in my situation never talk to anyone, because of judgement. This is why so many suicides happen. We would rather end our lives, then bother anyone that may or may not understand.
If you don’t understand, just shut up.