They always tell you “Time heals all wounds”. If this is true, I think Father Time forgot about mine.
It has almost been a year since he left. He is having another baby, and I’m over here dreaming of better days. The days of happiness, smiles, laughter, and feeling complete. When did I lose myself?
I lost myself being what he wanted. Loving how he wanted. Giving him what he wanted, a family and a marriage. Not saying that I did not want these things, believe me when I say that I did. It’s just so hard to believe you can your whole life to someone and they walk away claiming they were unhappy.
The nights have only gotten worse. The lack of sleep causes my anxiety to be worse. The lack of eating causes me to feel awful. But, I can’t. I have no appetite, no desire to sleep. No desire to try.
The only thing I am doing correctly is making sure my little one is taken care of. His happiness and his heart are my reasons to keep breathing. I wish people could understand that. I’m not okay, but for him I am strong even when I don’t feel like it. I also wished people could see the deadbeat for who he truly is, he isn’t the father he claims to be. He has zero contact with me. Maybe the new baby will be a boy, then he can truly say he has replaced us. Which makes things evem harder. My son is amazing, MY son is a beautiful soul learning more everyday. Get it? MY SON. Not yours. You removed yourself. YOU did that. Don’t you ever say I didn’t try.
Maybe one day they will see your true colors.