Happy Anniversary;

In exactly seven days, we would have been together for SIX whole years. That’s crazy, isn’t it? We were so young back then, you were my best friend. You were the guy I ran to when all the other guys hurt me.

Now I have no one to run to, since it was you that hurt me. I had your child, I took your last name, I quit my job so you could have one you love. What thanks did I get? A broken heart.

You try to blame me, you try to say you warned me. But, you know you’re lying. You were cheating for God only knows how long. When you finally had the nerve to leave, you made me the bad guy. I wasn’t the only one you abandoned, what about your child?

He’s almost eighteen months old, he’ll be two before you know it. He cried for you for two whole months, he stood at the door waiting for you the day you walked right by the house like he wasn’t there. You never came back to us, you never decided family meant more than a girl you barely knew. You don’t even speak to us, unless it’s convenient for you. You gave up a beautiful little boy to help raise a child not even yours. She’s old enough to know you’re not her dad. Your son isn’t old enough to understand, but he will one day.

You threatened to tell him that you left because I couldn’t make you happy. That’s a lie, also. A lie which he will never know. you cheated on me THREE times. You left me TWICE. I did everything to be good enough. I did everything you wanted of me. I changed for you.

My son will know what kind of man you became, because I will raise him better. My son will know love, he will know loyality, he will understand everything I did for him to make sure you never hurt him again. He doesn’t understand it right now, and that’s good. He doesn’t need to understand the pain of a father walking out on him.

We were happy once. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know when it stopped for you. But I promise that happiness never stopped for me. I still get butterflies when you text me, even though it’s not the same. Things changed for you, I understand that now. I do. But they didn’t change for me, they still haven’t changed for me.

That’s why I don’t reply to you anymore. I can’t lie to you and say we are doing okay. I mean, sure, our son is doing wonderfully. Learning more everyday. But we are missing a piece of our puzzle. We are missing you. That sadness and that longing for you is there. Every single day.

The closer the 17th gets, the more my heart breaks. I never wished for this. I wanted to be good enough for you for the rest of your life. You were the one for me. You were my dream come true. You proved to me not all men were the same. But I can’t have you. She has you. You belong to her and I can’t take that. I can’t talk to you knowing she’s there.

Our son had a wonderful easter. He loved hunting for eggs and eating all the candy. I just wished you were there to help him. But you weren’t. You were helping her daughter. It’s easy for you. It all comes so easily to you, but you have to understand it isn’t coming easily for me. I won’t pretend that it is.

I won’t talk to you like nothing is wrong. I love you. I can’t pretend that I don’t. That’s why I don’t text you back. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. Go enjoy your new life, let us get on with ours the best we can.

You abandoned us, you may not see it that way. But the second you chose to walk out on us, was the second I had to choose what was best for us. I never wanted it to come to this. I hoped you would change your mind and want to come back to your family. To fix the broken. But you didnt, so I have to. Alone.

Always,
Lauren

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