Netflix Obsession;

A few nights ago, a friend of mine asked if I had seen the new show on Netflix. It is called North & South. It is a British television drama based on the book by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell. There are only four episodes on Netflix and I was instantly drawn to it!

Once I found out it was a book, I tracked it down. I was actually able to buy the Kindle format for FREE on Amazon! When I finished Psycho yesterday afternoon, I started this one on my tablet.

I’m on chapter two all ready and I am absolutely in love with it. Just as much if not more than I love the show. If you are into books from the authors in the 1800s, I recommend finding this one. I cannot wait to write my review on it when I finish it. It is 309 pages, so bear with me!

Just a currently reading update. Happy Sunday, friends!

Always,
Lauren

Psycho A Novel by Robert Bloch;

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When the A&E hit television series Bates Motel first came out, I was hooked. I stayed loyal to the show all the way until the end. When it was finally over after only five seasons, I needed more. I had never seen the movie Psycho by Alfred Hitchcock and I didn’t even realize there was a novel that it was all based on. When I found this out, I had to have it. Thankfully my boyfriend loves me and he got it for me.

Psycho is a novel about a forty year old man named Norman Bates, I know what you’re thinking, completely different from the show. I was surprised also, the show almost has nothing to do with the book. Not at least until the end. Norman is a very sick man, in all aspects of the word.

His love for his mother is a strong one even if everyone believes she has been dead for twenty years. The novel takes many, many twists. It was amazing from beginning to end, it is one of those reads that you can not put down. It captivates you from beginning to end, quite literally.

I can’t say much without spoiling it for you guys, but I highly recommend all of you pick it up! I’ll link it down below.

Always,
Lauren

Amazon Link: https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Novel-Robert-Bloch/dp/1590203356/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496519504&sr=8-1keywords=psycho+robert+bloch

Let It Go;

I thought about quitting but then I noticed who was watching.

The last few days have been filled with drama, tears, bullying, and lies. Those of you who know my situation and have been my support group, thank you. Those of you who know nothing and judge me for the choices I made, thank you also.

Your hatred and cruel words toward me gave me that much more strength. At the end of the day, God knows the truth. Only God can judge you. I will not stoop to your level, there is beauty in silence and my lips remain sealed.

Talk about me all that you want, drag my name through the dirt as many times as it feels good to you. I will bloom into the prettiest flower you have ever seen. You may see me as the bad guy, but you never saw the pain I went through to become who I am today.

My give a damn busted a long time ago. I live for this little one sleeping in bed. My child is my everything, I will give anything and stop at nothing to make sure his happiness never waivers.

At the end of the day, he still calls me Mommy and that’s all I care about.

Always,
Lauren

A Series by Dave Pelzer;

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These three took a little bit for me to get through, they are extremely intense and at times shatter your heart into a million pieces.

Dave Pelzer lived a terrible life starting at a very young age, his mother turned into a monster. Beating and abusing him in ways you could never imagine. It is gut wrenching, every emotion known to man came to me from these books. Heartbreak, anger, and happiness come to mind first.

He came out on top even after the life he was given to live. He survived and became a wonderful man, he defeated the demons that his mother left for him. I definitely recommend these books.

They prove that no matter what life you’re given, you can choose to live better.

Always,
Lauren

A Child Called It: https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/a-child-called-it-one-childs-courage-to-survive-by-dave-pelzer/251500/#isbn=1558743669

The Lost Boy: https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/a-child-called-it-and-the-lost-biy_dave-pelzer/248219/#isbn=1558745157

A Man Named Dave: https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/a-man-named-dave-a-story-of-triumph-and-forgiveness-by-dave-pelzer/248078/#isbn=0452281903

 

To Him; 

I want you to imagine this: a girl sitting on her bedroom floor, dry-heaving, her body convulsing with each failed attempt at silencing the sobs, banging her fists onto the ground as she tried to make sense of it all. Now, I want you imagine my face because that girl was me, and I was never good enough for you. I was constantly coming second to dozens of other people in your life. You made me feel completely worthless at times. You emotionally ruined me. I don’t hate you, though. Instead I want to thank you. Despite it taking me months, I finally realized that it wasn’t me not being good enough for you, but you not being good enough for me. These words have resonated with me for some time, and I am constantly reminding myself that I deserve better than the distorted perception of love that was handed to me on a tarnished silver platter. I deserve better than being ignored, I deserve better than being manipulated, and I deserve better than you. I know I’m not the same girl that was on my bedroom floor that night, because I would never give someone complete power over me where I lost control; complete power over me where I felt I was worthless. I was consumed by nothing but negativity, and for a while I thought you were my only source of light. I was drowning and every single day I woke up and hoped your hand would pull me up to the surface and save me. I was wrong. That night was the night I realized your hand was never there to save me, but instead there to push me deeper below the surface. The only hand I needed was my own. You were my darkness and it took me too long to realize this. I know you’re a good person, but next time you ask yourself what it was you ever did to me I want you to think of the girl crying on her bedroom floor. I want you to think of the girl that couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were worse than reality, which had become her own personal hell. I want you to think of the girl who couldn’t eat because she had no appetite from the anxiety caused from thinking she did something wrong. I want you to think of the girl who hated herself so much she had to force herself to get up in the morning, only to crawl back into bed hours later. I want you to think of the girl who had countless silent breakdowns, hoping her friends and parents wouldn’t find out. I want you to think of all the things you never saw, all the things you never experienced, all the things that were kept hidden.And now I want you to think of the person I have become, and I want you to know that I am thankful for you creating a monster. I’m no longer a monster, and I no longer have to force happiness. No more do I have to seek validation from others that I am worthy. I am thankful you were a part of my life, because you became the best & worst thing to happen to me. I do hope you’re happy, and just know I don’t regret you. I would never wish for you to experience the same hell as me, I just wish you the same happiness that I can finally experience every day. Thank you for engulfing me in darkness, thank you for helping me grow, and thank you for pushing me further below the surface. Too many great things have come from that darkness. Too many great things have come from you. 

(I did not write this, but this was everything I once went through.)

Lauren

Febreeze One Review;

Thanks to the site BzzAgent, I was hand selected to test out and review the brand new Febreeze One fabric and air mists! For free! They came in two scents, Bamboo and Mandarins. 

I am normally not a huge fan of air mists because they can be too strong or not strong enough. I immediately fell in love with this product, my favorite scent is the Mandarin! They are not too strong and leave the whole house smelling awesome. 

If you get a chance to snag this at the stores, I highly recommend it! 

Always,

Lauren

CPC Goodies!

I am a member of the Callisto Publisher’s Club and I get a ton of books from them in return for reviews, which is awesome right?! Gives me many posts to make here! A lot of the ones I have received lately are cookbooks, but I really think you guys should check them out! You can email them if they have a book listed that you would like to review and they will send you a code for purchase! I will put the link down below for you all to check out. Here are some of the books I have gotten.

Always,
Lauren

Link: https://www.callistopublishersclub.com

“Shake It Off.”

Ever since I can remember I have battled my own demons. My life was hell from the start, my childhood stolen from me. My iinocense gone. I tried taking my life twice. I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals. I hated seeing a therapist. I kept it all to myself until I blew up.

I suffer from depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have been on all kinds of depression medications. I stopped all of that when I found out I was pregnant with my son. Then life kind of fell apart a year ago, so I have gotten my hands on some therapy books.

They came in the mail today and my stepmother asked me why I would want them. I told her because if I can get away with being medicated, I would try anything. She then asked if it had anything to do with my ex leaving. I explained my situation was this way even before he left me. I told her my issues. Her response? “Shake it off.” 

For some reason, this rubbed me the wrong way and ruined my entire day. I have sat here replaying it over and over in my head all day, feeling dumb for even getting the books or for ever explaining my life to her. This is exactly why I don’t.

This is exactly why people in my situation never talk to anyone, because of judgement. This is why so many suicides happen. We would rather end our lives, then bother anyone that may or may not understand.

If you don’t understand, just shut up.

Always,
Lauren

Maybe Life is Simple;

Lately I have not been in a reading mood. From doing photoshoots for money to binge watching The Flash and Supernatural on Netflix. I run bubble baths for myself, book next to me but I never open it.

Don’t get me wrong, reading is my life. Reading is my escape from life. Reading is my light in the darkness. It’s my favorite thing to do when little mans sleeping. Life got messy, I have so much going on. I am barely sleeping, I can’t relax enough or shut my brain off long enough to close my eyes and drift away.

I’ll get back to it, though. Don’t give up on me just yet! I am currently reading If I Stay. I am about halfway through it, I just have to get back to myself again. One day at a time.

Maybe life is simple, humans just make it complicated.

Always,
Lauren

Currently Reading;

Hey guys! I know it seems like I come and go, writing book reviews is either really fast to do or really slow. No in between, sadly. I am working on two books, currently. If I Stay by Gayle Forman and You Don’t Know Me by Faleena Hopkins.

I am also going through a very difficult time with things in my personal life, but that is a blog post for another time. I promise reviews will be back up shortly!

Also, I highly recommend binge watching Arrow on Netflix. SO GOOD.

Always,
Lauren